Doctrine

Proverbs 27:14-17

¹⁴ He who blesses his friend with a loud voice, rising early in the morning,
It will be counted a curse to him.
¹⁵ A continual dripping on a very rainy day
And a contentious woman are alike;
¹⁶ Whoever restrains her restrains the wind,
And grasps oil with his right hand.
¹⁷ As iron sharpens iron,
So a man sharpens the countenance of his friend.

Most of the time when I read Proverbs, I feel like the author spent several days at the death beds of various elderly people and wrote down whatever they said, in the order that they said it, with many breaks and pauses in between. Or he took a bunch of fortune cookies and opened them all and wrote what he found.

Obviously I'm kidding. Proverbs is way better than what you open in a fortune cookie. However, I did recently open one that said, "You will inherit some money or a small piece of land" and I'm holding on to that one.

MY POINT: Verse 17. A widely quoted verse about Christian fellowship and it's benefits, or at least we look at "sharpening" as a benefit. But first, think about this. Think about the sound of one piece of iron scraping against another piece of iron. Yikes. Now think about two dull pieces of iron being scraped together so frequently that they become sharpened pieces of iron. That leaves a lot of shavings of iron on the ground. Not exactly a pleasant process.

Okay, NOW. Think about the verses in Proverbs that precede Proverbs 27:17. Don't worry, I'll recap.

¹⁴ He who blesses his friend with a loud voice, rising early in the morning,
It will be counted a curse to him.
¹⁵ A continual dripping on a very rainy day
And a contentious woman are alike;
¹⁶ Whoever restrains her restrains the wind,
And grasps oil with his right hand.

So you've got your obnoxious friend next door that loves to bless you early in the morning with a loud voice. Curse him. You've got the contentious woman who is like the continual dripping of rain and trying to restrain her is like restraining the wind or catching oil in your hand, which if you need to know, doesn't work very well... i.e. at all.

NOW, follow all of that absolute frustration with verse 17.

¹⁷ As iron sharpens iron,
So a man sharpens the countenance of his friend. (NKJV)

or

So one man sharpens another (NASB)

Are you pickin' up what I'm putting down?

Fellowship with believers is the epitome of frustration. Because of the diversity of humanity, we are all bound to be completely frustrated with other believers. Specifically in our doctrine. We all believe (hopefully) that Jesus is the son of the triune God. Jesus came to earth and became fully man, yet remained fully God, to take on the very real sins of humanity and relieve us from the very deserved punishment of hell, and no one can come to know the Father except through the Son. We believe that when Jesus left earth, he sent the Holy Spirit to guide us in all truth. These are closed handed issues. There is no wiggle room.

Then you have other doctrinal issues based on individual interpretations of the Word. These may or may not also be closed handed issues. It might be possible for us to go to heaven believing one point of view, while our brother or sister in Christ will also go to heaven believing the opposite point of view. I'm talking more or less about baptism of the Holy Spirit, women in leadership, drums in church, any kind of millennial views, or views on the specifics of creation, the list goes on and on.

While conflict makes my stomach do flips and turn in knots, I'm realizing that the very discussion of these issues with other believers is part of the act of "iron sharpening iron". It makes a horrible sound and there are remnants of iron everywhere (did that used to be attached!?) and the pieces of iron are really never the same again, but they are sharper. I guess we want sharp iron right? It doesn't sound desirable to be dull.

But not only could there be doctrinal differences among a spiritual family, but among a biological family too. That can be the most difficult idea to grasp. "We had the same parents! The same upbringing! How can you believe that there should be drums in the church service!?" But if God gave you different bodies, different personalities, different learning abilities, different names, wouldn't he maybe give you different points of view too? And how do we respond to that? How do we find unity among believers while we have disagreements among us?

Well?

What are you looking at me for? I don't know the answer.

But let me leave you with these two scriptural thoughts:

Philippians 3:15

New Living Translation (NLT)

¹⁵ Let all who are spiritually mature agree on these things. If you disagree on some point, I believe God will make it plain to you.

Acts 15

New Living Translation (NLT)

¹ While Paul and Barnabas were at Antioch of Syria, some men from Judea arrived and began to teach the believers: “Unless you are circumcised as required by the law of Moses, you cannot be saved.” ² Paul and Barnabas disagreed with them, arguing vehemently. Finally, the church decided to send Paul and Barnabas to Jerusalem, accompanied by some local believers, to talk to the apostles and elders about this question.

Maybe we agree to disagree.

And maybe we are only seeing in part.

And maybe we are just truly wrong.

Let the sharpening begin.

It was an ambush...

After a weekend as terrible as THAT one just was, I'm taking some time to recover. I will go home from work tonight and put some laundry in, have a glass (or two) of wine, and either read and pray or put in an old favorite movie. Most likely I will read and pray and THEN put in an old movie. :)

I need comfort. I need pajamas. I need some chocolate. I need those crazy Native American boot/slippers that my brother got me for Christmas (picture to follow). I need alone time (true story).

I love Ethan. I do. I really do. I've said that I will marry him. I have consecrated myself to him in legal matrimony for the rest of my life... or at least I will in 163 days (but who's counting, right?).

This weekend we fought. More than usual. It was not loud arguing. It was not passionate discussion. It was not intense fellowship time. I would not water it down with any of those phrases.

It was fighting. We used fightin' words, we hit below the belt, we pushed each other (he figuratively pushed, I literally pushed him out of my way), and he walked out.

We are still getting married. We are still in love. But I am hurt. I didn't expect this. I mean, I sort of did, but I really didn't see it coming. I didn't think arguments would hurt this bad. I thought only breaking up would hurt this bad.

Father of peace, come and be with us! Come and minister to us both! Teach me to lay down my selfishness. Teach me to walk in your truth and not let the lies of the enemy be spoken from my mouth! Help me to pray and live a lifestyle of prayer. Help us to be more aware of the attacks of Satan and how he would use us to tear each other down.

Help me to build and altar, right here, right now, that represents the day I called on the name of the Lord for my marriage and my family. I need you Father. I need you to lead me. I long to serve you with my whole heart and my whole life. I want to declare your truth and reject the lies and speak only truth over myself and Ethan. Thank you God that you are completing this work in me.

I love you. I really do.

Celebrate Babies

Last night, I got to spend time with some of the most amazing women I've met in a long time! I attended a "Celebrate Babies" party that was thrown for a dear friend of mine. This friend has 11 children. The 11th child was just recently born in and adopted from Florida. My dear friend also is expecting her 12th child to join the fun in February. :)

Among the gifts were clothes, diapers, a crib(!), soft sole shoes, lots of neat things. I was 1 of 2 women there who are not yet married and do not have children. Their wisdom is beyond me. Their ability to sacrifice sleep and privacy is heroic. Their sweet demeanor is genuine. Their humanity is full of grace. I had a moment.

THIS is what it will be like to sit and talk with all the saints who went before me! And THIS is a spirit of adoption being passed down from generation to generation. 3 of the women who attended had adopted children. One mom is a foster mom. All of them have upwards of 4 children living in their home. Amazing.


So it's little wonder to me that today when I was bumped into by a sweet bi-racial girl about 5 or 6 years old, I didn't doubt for a second that the Caucasian women behind her was her mother (the coordinating Mother/Daughter outfit helped too). Whether this little girl was born to this woman or adopted, I knew they belonged together. This is the spirit I'm surrounded by. I'm blessed to be among friends who have taught me thus.

Selah.

I stopped blogging because...

Hi.

Sorry I was absent.

I promise to make up for it.

I stopped blogging because... my job was really stressful and I didn't have anything nice to say at the time. ("The time" being about a 4 month period)

I stopped posting because... I was spiritually stuck and didn't hear the voice of the Lord regarding, well, anything.

I stopped because... I'm a private person. I don't like having windows to my soul. I'm too proud.

Because... Ethan and I fight frequently and sometimes I already feel like the warm fuzzies are gone. (They're not, btw.)

Because... I didn't feel like I had anything worth saying.

Well.

My job is still stressful, but there is grace.

I'm not spiritually stuck, but I'm a little sluggish, but there is grace.

I'm still a private person, I'm still proud, but God said, "Open up! And THEN there will be grace." And there is even grace for opening up, as it turns out.

Ethan and I still fight, but, you guessed it. Grace.

I still don't have anything worth saying. It's all been done before. There is nothing new under the sun. But there is grace. Grace for an introvert to try to talk it out. Process out loud (who would want to do such a thing?).

Eoghan Heaslip has this song:

We find grace in the wilderness
Strength enough to sing of your unfailing love
You are close, closer than we know
There will be a day when all will be revealed

Closing thought
My friend interviewed to work for the company. She had one of the most amazing answers to one of the questions.
Question:
What motivates you to do your best at a job?
Answer:
My personal desire to live with integrity.

Let it be, God. Let it be in me.

I'm engaged!

I'm going to post again. You just wait. It's going to happen.


I think it just did.

It takes time to get settled.

So it's April! I'm pretty happy about that! The wedding craziness and shower busy-ness have subsided and the outlook is pretty bright!... I think.

Part of my problem right now is that I feel lost. I literally feel like I have lost my way. I feel like I wandered off the map. I am in uncharted waters. It's unfamiliar and uncharted.

See, I used to have a full-time job and I really liked it. I used to have a favorite grocery store and a workout routine. I used to live in a place that felt like home. All of these things were relatively new to me and therefore I was in unfamiliar territory but at least I was on the map. St. Louis still feels sooo much bigger to me than Joplin. I know that it IS so much bigger than Joplin but I just can't seem to get my bearings.

I know I said that God brought me to St. Louis... but maybe I was just delusional.

I thought maybe I'd be able to give this post a clever twist and make everything wrap up nicely at the end, but I can't. I'm struggling through my identity because it's taken me so long to finish school (not yet finished), because I left a great job in a lousy economy, because I don't feel inspired being in the House of Prayer, because I'm not my siblings, because I don't feel assured in the identity of my Father so how can I be assured in my own identity...

I need to have some grace for myself. I've only been here less than a year, about 10 months. It takes time to get settled.

Dedicated effort

I try to keep up with this blog! Really I do! Okay, maybe I don't, but I have pretty good excuses. Yes, excuses, plural.

First excuse. Every time I sit down to write a blog I realize that I could be (should be) working on homework. So I promptly exit the blog site and login to facebook. This is a problem. I don't actually DO anything on facebook, I'm just there, not doing homework. To give myself a little credit, there are many times that I actually get homework done. But that was not the case for this last class that I took. It ended in failure and I was at a loss for a couple of days. But there is a quote that says, "Failure is an event, not a person." So I had a failure. But I am not a failure. My next attempt will be stronger and will end in success! I'm looking in to methods of boosting my energy levels (diet and dietary supplements especially) so that I don't feel like I need to sleep all the time! Because that is how I feel these days, quite literally, ALL the time. Especially in the winter! It's been this way for me since junior high and high school but I never had the clarity of mind to try to do something about it. So now I am. :o)

My second excuse is my new job. I started working at Cotton Babies Retail Store at the beginning of January. I work with customers for most of the day discussing the in's and out's of cloth diapering, baby clothes, nursing needs, postpartum care, and baby slings. It's a lot of fun to work there! I see lots of cute babies and lots of trendy pregnant momma's! I work mostly in the evenings, 3 or 4 days a week. I work with some extended family, so that's pretty enjoyable. We're planning a shower for Lauren on March 21st. It takes a village! I'm also getting ready for my best friend's wedding! She's getting married on March 13th! Very exciting! So once March is over, I'll feel less pressure. Come on April!!

My third excuse is GHOP. Gateway House of Prayer. We have a meeting tonight at 7pm so actually I have to leave the house as soon as I'm done writing this post! The official Staff Internship began this week and our first official meeting is tonight. A lot of the time, I sit down to write a post but I'm pulled away because I could be reading my Bible or working on a worship song or worship set list. I just took over a Tuesday morning intercession set and am leading a wonderful team of skilled musicians. I'm honored to be worshiping with them and hope that my skill level continues to increase as the set continues. God is good and he is bringing about the desires of my heart that he began in me some 5 or 6 years ago. I am seeing some of the prayers and cries of my heart come to fruition! It is good but it is hard because I did not realize the level of dedicated effort that was going to be required of me.

My fourth excuse is Ethan. :o) He is amazing. We've been dating since early January, about the same time that I started working at Cotton Babies. His house is 40 minutes away from my house, so that's obnoxious. But my work and GHOP are smack dab in the middle of our two houses, so that helps a little. With my busy schedule and his increasingly busy schedule, we have to actually schedule time to see each other. It's not as bad as it sounds because a lot of times we cheat and meet at a halfway point for a quick coffee or lunch! God is doing some cool and difficult healing type stuff through our relationship. We dig it, but it takes work to communicate our way through it sometimes. So with the minor "long-distance" aspect, we spend a lot of time on the phone. And I can barely chew gum and talk on the phone at the same time, so if I'm on the phone I'm getting zero work or blogging done. Thanks a bunch, sweetie! ;o) Just kidding.

Ethan and Jeanine, Midnight 1/1/10 (First date-ish)

Ethan and Jeanine, capturing the moment

So those are my excuses for not keeping this site up to date. I have a small break from school and at the end of the break I hope to be rejuvenated and ready to renew my dedicated effort and budget my time wisely! It can be done, I know it can! Just keep swimming, just keep swimming, just keep swimming, swimming, swimming...